laurence of arabia
floors by martin creed
i go through periods with different poses and ways of behaving physically. i remember i once saw a picture of carine roitfeld crossing her legs in a really funny and nice ways, and now i find pictures of myself doing the same. i don’t know if it first was on purpose (for the both of us?) or if it just happened unconsciously. last winter i had my hands in my front pockets of my pants while standing. earlier, i’ve had my hands tucked in my back pockets. i’ve also been through a phase where i always had my arms crossed, but i think my mom told me it looked defensive and that i should stop, so i did. i really like this hands on hips pose, but i think it’s just too posy. no one wants to look like they are standing in front of the camera if they’re not. the pose you give yourself in the mirror in the morning, especially with face expressions in mind, are much nicer than the ones you make in front of the camera. selfie faces are the worst.
(the gentlewoman issue ten)
i can recall having visited this guy or girl’s apartment once before, but i don’t remember when. i think it was a party, which is natural to think as i rarely visit people i don’t know except for parties. and because it was a strangers party (we assume it was a party and that the guy or girl who owns this place is someone i don’t know. would be so embarrassing to forget about a person that i know. i’ve done it before, i forgot about a person i went on vacation with one summer. we were in italy, maybe five people in total, but i have always thought it was four, including myself, since i never include myself in the memories of trips to the beaches and all the meals and walks, i only watch four people around me and conclude we are four. i don’t have any photos of the five of us together – i would never ask a stranger to take my photo. it embarrass me just as much as asking people to pose for a photo, so most of the photographs from that summer capture people’s backs – either walking or sun bathing – or myself in the mirror at the bathroom, naked. i would notice if the photos were taken after or before a shower: with a towel wrapped around my head and my body shiny from the sunscreen or body oil, or with straight and dry hair and dry skin. in the morning, before i take a shower or put on moisturizer or whatever, my skin is dry, but still so smooth and even, like some kind of expensive paper. i love to lay my cheek at my bare shoulder and just stroke it. it feels good and smells good – especially in italy, when my skin smells like sun in the morning. i don’t notice it though the day, as i probably get so used to it or get too knocked out by it. i tend to become angry at the sun during the day when i’m in italy, for instance, because it is too hot to move and i love to go for walks in the daytime when people are having their siestas. do they have siestas in italy as well as in spain? do they call it something else or the same? it’s a bit like walking in the night time, just that it is in the day time. i was just so shocked when someone mentioned this person to me a little while ago, the one i really just remembered as someone else’s ex, and as someone i never really knew or spent any time with. i assume i didn’t knew her well enough in italy to take a lot of obvious pictures of her) i assume i was quite drunk, but you can’t always tell or recall whether you were drunk or not. however, i used to be good at it -i had a specific sign that i always would try to take into consideration – whenever i made spelling mistakes, i had to stop. unfortunately, this became a bad habit and started to happen as soon as i was in a new crowd (including alcohol ofc) and i felt a little nervous. i would take one sip and start to klutz.
yet it was nice to be back in this apartment, because it was a nice apartment and the smell was nice and i felt a little at home as i remembered the different rooms and remembered hanging around and going to the bathroom with different girls and one boy i didn’t know. unfortunately, i don’t remember faces or names, so i can’t look them up and ask them or ask them about this apartment if we happen to run into each other again. i remember the people dressing really cool, but this was quite a while ago and now those clothes are trendy and mainstream, so they would be impossible to spot based on their clothes. i thought i was one of those people who never forgot about things, especially people, and i would rather try not to think about being wrong.
the dinner yesterday was so nice. we talked and ate good food and watched pictures on the television. we talked about how many hours it takes to give birth to a child and book releases and blowjobs and the perfect temperature of red wine (which i think we concluded that should be below room temperature. personally i dont like the warmer red wine and i prefer cold champagne or prosecco and i like beer less than i used to do) and how expensive segways are and paris hilton being photographed by (one of my favorite photographers) torbjørn rødland for purple magazine. hadn’t really thought of paris hilton for a long time.
for a long time i’ve hated to admit that i find inspiration in fashion, and i probably haven’t allowed myself to take fashion seriously either. there has been a strong sense of irony associated to the word fashion, and i still agree there is so much more to the word style than fashion, as fashion excludes the personal approach to a large degree. however, i visit style.com every day at the moment (bcs of fw), and i am still fascinated by the concept of making something new for every season, which should both reflect the designers image, the season, the earlier seasons and whatever inspires the designer. and although i hate the thought of changing something every season bcs of something as stupid as a trend and claim it’s personal – the fact that clothing is something you actually use. it is available to everyone.
even though fashion mostly is associated with designers and fashion week etc, i am curious why some things become so appealing and popular, and how the mainstream (if just within a certain group or society) develops. there must be some reason why i suddenly feel such an urge for a certain garment or that i like some clothes just bcs i like the designer and hate some clothes just bcs i hate the designer. and i am rarely able to tell why it is like that. yesterday i borrowed my bf’s jeans, which i’ve never thought of as particularly nice, but they had such a nice cut above my ankles. i don’t know if they are trendy, but i guess that would change my view about how nice i felt last night (both physically and mental and social while i had a hangover).
this morning i found a lot of nice photos from barbara casasola’s ss 15-show and i think i just got a new favorite designer.
i’ve noticed i like the same rap songs i liked when i was 16
i don’t know whether that means i am the same person, or at least that i haven’t developed my taste in music the last years, or if the songs are really good
or if my years listening to rap were really good
at least that rap songs nowdays are really bad compared to the ones released when i was 16
i spent a lot of time at the fader
and i still remember the lyrics