(via listal.com)
For me personally, being narcissistic is like having a giant pimple on my nose – I am entirely aware of it, but don’t want anyone to point it out, if that makes any sense.
Ever since I was little, I have been told that one shouldn’t be self-centered. In other words, I grew up with the notion that self-centeredness is something extremely bad and perverse. For that reason, I’ve been trying not to be (too) self-centered in my offline life – but that’s as though one suppresses or tampers with nature, because it’s innate that people have whatever levels of non-pathological narcissism. Hence the Internet is partially a kind of escapism and shelter in which I’m allowed to be as narcissistic as I want to be; yet somehow I’m starting to notice the confines. To be honest I thought there were no boundaries when it comes to blogging, until someone pointed out that pimple on my nose and indicated that it’s a problem. Anyway, at first blogs had the same function as diaries, so it’s normal to talk about yourself in it. Blogging is narcissistic – it’s fundamental in terms of style blogging, and I guess I’m just a tad surprised that someone emphasized that I reek of narcissism as if it’s not normal regarding blogging.
The reason why I’m posting this is because I want my current and prospective visitors to take a look at this page so as not to be thoroughly appalled by the excessive narcissism here. By and large, my blog serves as a device to help me on the long route to the perfect wardrobe, to sort out thoughts on fashion and style, and so on. All my favorite style blogs follow the same concept, but I have earnestly never perceived and will never perceive them as morbidly self-absorbed bloggers.
It’s such a shame that self-centeredness is a “taboo” (at least that’s how I see it), which explicates why my mind is a complete mess. I have never been open to my friends or family regarding feelings and more profound thoughts and subjects, as I fear being too self-centered. I don’t think that’s healthy at all. Often when I inevitably talk about myself to people, the sense of shame haunts my mind for days. Therefore, I want to overlook the limitations in terms of blogging and celebrate healthy narcissism on my blog.
However, I suppose that’s enough navel-gazing for today, and I really hope the concept of my blog is clear. And please don’t point out that ugly zit (or my vulnerability), I’m aware of it and I like to pretend that it isn’t visible. Happy tuesday :)
I can see you received a very critical comment by somebody who shouldn't even be reading fashion blogs because fashion is all about showing off, being happy with yourself and narcissism, otherwise where is the fun? Your blog in particular is a lot less about narcissism and more about self discipline and style. You are not posting hundreds of pictures of yourself so whoever pointed out your zit should get out of here and mind her/his business. Please continue delighting us with your posts, for every bad critic there are a couple of thousand fans. Good job!
- blossbloss: Thank you kindly for the warmhearted words. The funny thing is that the person who pointed out my zit is a fashion blogger herself, so I find it very very odd. Oh well.. By no means, I don't expect everyone to approve of my blog, but I'm very vulnerable when it comes to odd criticism, haha.
Blogs are, as you say, public personal diaries of sorts, so it would be weird if you *didn't* talk about the things that you want to talk about. Your blog is genuine, which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of 'sponsored' blogs. And it's interesting and thoughtful, which is also a lot more than I can say for most blogs. You are vunerable, putting yourself out there…I think it's lame for someone to call you out on it. Keep showing us your spots, Fleurette. We likey.
that person was probably just trying to bring you down, I don't think any comment that feels as if it was said just to hurt you was intended as being a constructive comment…Anyway, there are a million other blogs where the blogger is just showing off how how amazing they are with 10 different poses per outfit shot…I read your blog (and others with a similar focus) precisely because of the personal (or narcissistic?) thoughts about style, wardrobe building + it helps to keep me on track with my own purchases and its interesting to find that there are people out there with similar thoughts on style and minimalism as me..so yeah keep writing = )
I love to read about your own thoughts. When I first started reading blogs it was like a breath of fresh air to read about personal perceptions as oposed to unpersonal articles in magazines. I see it as expessing individualism.
On the contrary, haven't our parents always encouraged us to keep diaries? Fact is, journals (including fashion blogs [web logs]) don't just serve a record-keeping of the day's events and moods (and self-fondness, as said commenter suggests) but also contribute to self-definition, and isn't that what we strive with ANYTHING we do? Our jobs, what we eat, what we watch… writing a fashion blog is just more public, than for example choosing a PC over a Mac, or choosing not to eat meat. Of course, it's healthy to care and direct the general gaze to others, but having a blog isn't preventing you to do that, just like keeping a diary ain't preventing you from being more caring or selfless. Rather, I think it's healthier to know the limitations and personal standing in terms of fashion and 'money spending', and to document that process/journey of finding your style. Hey, if your blog suggests 'narcissism', then what other word is there for some of the other blogs out there?
I generally reject the notion that blogging is narcissistic. Most blogs are essentially about the sharing of information. Especially so, in regards to this blog. Your blog is inspiring and incredibly valuable for people out there unsure of the process of wardrobe building and creating a personal style. Through viewing your own journey of pursuing the perfect capsule wardrobe, I for one, can certainly say that this blog has proved immensely beneficial and will continue to be fruitful for as long as you keep writing. Keep on truckin'.
Someone once said the same thing to me on my blog. Honestly all blogs containing personal information must by definition be narcissistic. I write for myself and about myself to help me better understand what's going on with myself. I'm happy for this post. :D
I wouldn't read your blog if it wasn't about you. Your followers are interested in hearing about what you have to say about yourself!
I think it's inevitable if you run a fashion blog where you post pictures of what you wear and talk about nothing but designer clothes that cost more than $200, some people will consider you vapid, narcissistic and frankly, quite pretentious. It doesn't matter how you are in real life, because all people can judge you by in the blogging world is how you look. Don't take it too personally because if someone spends that much effort to be vicious to someone they've met on a FASHION BLOG, then they either have too much time on their hands or they are really just deprived in real life. I hope this didn't come across as a critical post, I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel and more often than not, it's not worth worrying about it (and yes, I'm anal retentive and have OCD too!) =)
hmm i never understand the need to make deliberately mean comments – if ppl dont like it, they should go read something else! i for one am here because your point of view is interesting – isnt the point of style blogs that they showcase a specific angle/take on things?
You owe no one an explanation.
The personal touch adds so much to your blog–it's your story of compiling a wardrobe instead of merely the process of acquisition. I'm glad you'll be celebrating "healthy narcissism" in this space.
Oh my GOD! I just replied to each of you and someone decided to switch off the internet as I pushed the post comment button. Everything is GONE! So frustrated!!! This happened yesterday as well, so as I'm in the middle of a chemistry assignment, I'm just going to recapitulate some of my replies. I hope you understand!- TJP: Thank you, you're far too kind!- Alex: I don't think the person was trying to bring me down as she commented on someone else's blog post about my blog (she also said that I don't seem like a nice person, haha, I really hope I don't come off as a bitch on my blog!). I agree with you. I always see you commenting on the same blogs I read, it's such a nice community.- Ivania: Me too!- Shini: Of course, narcissism is healthy in terms of self-development. I agree with the limitations-part. – A: Me too! I rarely consider the blogs I read as narcissistic but rather they share information that I find very helpful and inspiring. When I read blogs, I search for personal information and opinions. I have no interest in reading blogs that recapitulate Vogue and Elle. – Brigitte: It helps you to understand what's going on with yourself, right? I have learned a lot more about myself and my approach to life and style via blogging. It's a nice way for self-exploration. – Sarah Dee: You're right!- Amanda: Of course, criticism and assessments come in the same package when you start a (fashion) blog. I am absolutely aware of the fact that people have their own opinions and make hasty judgements. But it would be a lie if I say that I don't care, because I do care and worry a bit when people make assessments, whether they are completely off base or not.- son: Haha, I've always wondered this myself.- LuxeBytes: I suppose I don't, but I feel much better now that I have written this post.. so I can carry on writing about wardrobe building and such. I was in the middle of writing a post on it yesterday but I came across that comment, and suddenly I was no longer in the mood to be a complete narcissist. Haha!
First of all, I agree with LuxeBytes,in that you owe no one an explanation. But second, I think there's a world of difference between a blog that is personal and one that is narcissistic. Whoever made that comment about your blog is confused about the two.
i've been a fan of your blog for a while now, and i've never read anything that would make me think you're a narcissist. your blog has really made me think twice about how i spend my money, and at the same time it has made me look to appreciate the things that i do spend my money on. i hope you don't take that person's comments to heart and keep doing what you do!
I think there are a lot of angry people in this world and the rise of blog's and social networks it is even more evident. People are able to voice there opinions good and bad and I'm all for free speech but I am also of the opinion if you haven't got anything nice to say don't say it at all. If I don't like a blog I don't continue reading it let alone commenting and criticising. I agree – You owe no one an explanation! and for every bad critic there are a couple of thousand fans, and I am one! Sooze x
I am also a big fan of your blog and very much enjoy reading it. This mystery fashion blogger should go focus on her own blog and stop critizing others.I heart Dead Fleurette!
I really enjoy your writing "voice" and am sorry that you were made to feel self conscious about it. There does seem to be ever present pressure for women/girls to be modest, self-effacing, etc. And I agree that it's unhealthy. I'm so glad that you plan on continuing to blog according to your taste.
Self love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self neglect.
Som Veuve sier, her snakker vi nok om en person som ikke forstår forskjellen mellom det å være narsissistisk og det å være personlig. I mine øyne er du en av de minst selvopptatte motebloggerne – du fyller ikke bloggen din med x antall bilder av deg selv, og du promoterer ikke shopping som hobby men tvert i mot en sunn motsats til overkonsumpsjon og ukritisk shopping som er utrolig forfriskende! Som flere andre sier, og som jeg har nevnt før – bloggen din har virkelig åpnet øynene mine for gleden og nytten av å utvikle en personlig stil og finslipe den, og bevissthet rundt hva man faktisk går til anskaffelse av. Dette er noe mange kunne lære av! Bloggen din er en av mine absolutte favorittblogger, og jeg håper du ikke bryr deg for mye om den typen smålige kommentarer som fikk deg til å skrive dette innlegget, som forøvrig var et svært bra innlegg. Stå på, Fleurette!
Though I'm unhappy about the insensitive comment you've received- that's just so unnecessary- I have to say I LOVE this post. What you said about hesitating to talk about yourself to people around you for the fear of coming out as self-centered, really struck a chord with me. With the risk of sounding pretentious:), I think that the possibility of connecting with other people by sharing thoughts and, as a consequence recognizing oneself in others' thoughts is really like a central part of the human experience! And, well, it's needless to say that that can't happen if people are not sharing for the risk of seeming self-centered. Yeah, I know this is "just" a style blog. But what makes this blog (and other blogs that I choose to follow) interesting is precisely your personal approach, with which I can identify myself. So keep going, I know I love to read each and every one of your posts!
Thank you for addressing the elephant in the room. This is why I always feel awkward and self-conscious about posting something as petty and insubstantial as "fashion". But everything is a form of self-expression no? Love your blog.
Fleurette: just don't take that comment seriously. You're a good writer and appear sure of yourself, in a good way. Someone is obviously insecure and try to take it out on you. Keep doing what you're doing please, we all love your perspective on things. (Og takk for sist i bloggeverden. Bloggen din er nå den siste lille forbindelsen jeg har til mote, flere år etter 'mote schmote'. Vet ikke om du husker, er jævlig lenge siden. :)
I just wanted to apologize if I came off sounding like everyone who has a fashion blog is pretentious and vapid (myself included). I think it's easier for people to be nasty when they have the veil of the internet and anonymity to hide behind. My point is that if you pay too much attention to it, it will ruin what you've worked hard at doing – which is running a blog that has admirable purpose and quality.
I love YOUR blog. It's yours. Nobody else's.
I don't have anything new to add, but I just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading your blog. Your blog is personal in that you're exploring your own style and thinking about style in a public forum. That's where the appeal (at least for me) lies. Your blog is so fun to read because you are brave enough to express strong and well-articulated ideas. It's thought provoking in a way that many fashion/style blogs are not.Haters gotta hate. Your supporters far outnumber them. :)
Narcissistic? That's absurd – you rarely even post pictures of yourself, and you have many other things going on in your life unrelated to fashion. I feel exactly as filipa and urubisu expressed above. Your blog is my favorite – there is something unique about it which I can't really explain because I am not as gifted with words as you are! But it has to do with who you are, and what you chose to share of yourself. Obviously your thought process and esthetic is interesting to your many fans. This other blogger is jealous. Please don't change a thing or let mean-spirited people – who don't know you at all – label you or censor you. I was brought up the same way so I understand being sensitive to these types of remarks but please be kind to yourself. You deserve to be yourself without apology. Now, I for one will be impatiently waiting for your next post on wardrobe building!
Well, for what it’s worth, I have never thought of you or your blog as being narcissistic. I recognize the feeling though. Despite being convinced that at the end of the day blogging is a very personal activity, having often considered switching my blog to private due to it’s personal content (and being therefore uninteresting to others), I also have a deep appreciation for all the input I receive from my readers and am flattered by the fact that there are people out there who actually enjoy my blog. So naturally I almost can’t avoid thinking about how others would perceive the content of my blog. Subsequently (and this is just one example), whenever I post more than a few photographs of myself during, let's say, a week's time, I do get pretty self-conscious. While being fully aware of the fact that I’m not doing it in order to receive some ego flattering compliments, – I share them because outfit posts are what I enjoy most on other blogs, and I also like to have a visual reminder of what works (and what doesn't) – it still feels as if I somehow have to defend myself TO myself for doing something that could possibly create this self-absorbed online image that does not reflect who I actually am. I’d imagine that being confronted with a nasty comment would trigger a similar feeling, most likely magnified by tenfold and followed by the need to defend yourself to everyone. But really there’s no need. You can do whatever you want with this blog and I assure you, if you keep it up like this, most sensible people will not get offended by your supposed narcissism ;)
Your blog is a standout for its lack of narcissism. I too struggled with this issue before I started my own blog. What right did I have to put my opinion out there and who would really care? In the end it came down to the fact that, just like keeping a diary, blogging makes me happy. It is a way to organise my thoughts and open discussions with like-minded people. We spend so much time in our clothes and so much money on them that isn't it worth trying to sort out what makes you happy to get up in the morning and put on? The negative comments simply come down to jealousy and tall-poppy syndrome. Any time someone is successful people want to tear them down in order to feel better about their own joyless existence. It is a sad part of the human condition. So please, take comfort in those of us who love to read your thoughts and drool over your carefully edited wardrobe. You have chosen to follow your passion and you should find joy in that decision.(oops this is really long, sorry for the sermon!)
Having a personal blog is part narcissistic by default. But I think people are a bit narrow in their thinking that the content that one posts is ALL they are. I agree with Amanda, that people that troll blogs to leave nasty comments are lacking in some aspect of their life that they need to tear someone else down to make themselves feel better.
I don't really have anything new to add to the conversation but wanted to reiterate that I think you have a lovely blog that is a lot more thoughtful and less shallow than a lot of other fashions blogs out there. It is difficult to put yourself out there on the internet, and I think people say things online, without that face to face interaction, that they wouldn't say in person, both good and bad. I hope that any negative comments don't get you down, but it's totally understandable if they do. Luckily, you have such a lovely community of readers who support you and encourage you to continue blogging!
I find it baffling that people think they can determine your character from a style blog. You are much more than what you write in your blog. There is this rampant narrow-minded thinking that leads to people jumping to such a quick conclusion. I enjoy your posts and I find it much more compelling than many blogs; so do many of your readers. xx
There's some major envy and jealousy going on with a fellow fashion blogger who would take the time to criticize your blog. I guess her blog defines who she is, which is very sad and one dimensional if she sees that a fashion blog gives ones identity. It's achingly clear that you are not like that and you really need to learn to not internalize negative comments. I'm sorry to say but by making this post you are confirming her accusations. Like other comments made here, there is NEVER a need to justify nor explain your reasons for creating your blog. Being too politically correct can be self damaging.
I really think that right now, the whole internet is about "narcissism": facebook, twitter, blogs, forums, all of these instruments are used to show a part of ourselves. But the point is: what's wrong with it? Narcissism is a human feeling and everyone has it, and I find it quite good that there is a place where everyone can put their most self-centered side without "hurting" anyone else.I mean, if you don't like it just don't come to my blog. Just don't look at my pictures on facebook. I am not obliging anyone. This should be the philosophy.I like when people talk about something in a very personal way, give opinions and points of view and they do it in their own space (aka their blog). I don't like when they just throw some clothes on and act like they're the next top model + best stylist, but again it's their blog and they can do whatever they want, I just don't follow them (and surely don't waste my time to go there and offend them gratis telling them they're narcissistic and self-centered, that's just mean!)It's your blog, you can do whatever you want… It's YOUR place! And this is good and beautiful because it permitted us to discover your great sense of style. It's just like she read a book, she didn't like it so she sent a mail to the author telling him "you're really self-centered because you wrote your book as YOU wanted and not as I did! Next one shouldn't be like that"… Come on!All of this just to tell you that you do what you want in your blog, don't care about comments like these, totally nonsense and jealous. You have lots of readers so this basically means you're really doing something good and interesting. Keep on like this and just ignore people like her. And have fun writing, this is the most important thingA kiss… and cheer up!Al-The Red Dot-
I think your blog is great – intelligent and useful to many :) Don't take comments so personally – the commenters don't really know you, and well, to criticise someone you don't know "for not being a nice person" is bad manners and rather idiotic. You don't need to take it to heart at all. Really.
Well, that's just ridiculous. Who would dare to send a message like that to a wonderful blogger who openly shares her thoughts and ideas with her readers? Utter nonsense!If you're narcissistic, we're all voyeurs.I don't get people some days.
Please be as narcissistic as you need to be. I just want to photos of great clothes. Your choices are outstanding.
you have a great blog :) Don't let them get to you!chicdisplay.blogspot.com
Hey,Blogs are, as you say so well, a public personal diaries of sorts… Your blog is genuine and to certain point inspiring…who is not a bit narcissist after all?xoxolila
Love your blog, love your sense of style. A blog about your personal style. . . should be about YOUR personal style! Don't let haters get you down.
Your blog is the most refreshing I've seen! How can someone call you "narcissistic" compared to other bloggers who simply show off piles and piles of whatever they purchased that week?!
Chere Fleurette,I read very few fashion blogs, I guess the most visited (Garance and few more) and yours. You are talented in style and good on you that you have a successful blog to unleash your thoughts. You will realize one day that unless the feedback is coming with care and in the right manner people "project themselves" in others. Have you thought why this person bothers to read your blog, bothering to email with such remarks? It is more their issue than yours.Have great day
very insightful! im also hyperaware of being too narcisistic through my blog. it is, after all, a concentration of things in my life that i like. but like you, i would never think of you or others on my blogroll as narcisistic! i think you have to be able to talk about yourself to have a successful blog, that's what gives it some life.
I've recently read a book on narcissism and I have to say that from a psychological point of view, loving yourself is healthy and a defence mechanism. Anyone calling another person a narcissist is a hypocrite and fails to see that they are one themselves. Why do I say this ? Because if we wouldn't love ourselves we'd just be committing mass suicide or just not be able to cope with life on an everyday basis. Imagine you're being bullied at school, other colleagues calling you names..wouldn't the natural response to all of this be the thought that they are not right and you are not ugly/stupid/whatever it is they're calling you ??thus the defense mechanism I think people confuse narcisism with egomania, which is completely different, it's a personality disorder and you most probably develop it at a young age. A narcisist is still capable of empathy and love, but an egomaniac isn't..you're just another refelction to him/herWhen it comes ot blogs, I think that as long as you're not posing very obviously or making arrogant faces at the camera, it's safe to say you just have the normal dosage of narcissism that everyone else has anyway
The only pimple I will point out is that you write so beautifully !! Your blog is so eloquent and I love this post. Can't wait to see what you will narcissize next !!xxx
just found your blog and… doesn't seem more narcissistic than most, simply more self-reflective. and I absolutely love what you've got going on (as you can tell by the fact that I'm wandering back through your old posts). keep it up, lady!xx ana haiba
thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. your text above is exactly getting to the heart of creating a personal blog focused on daily wardrobe and fashion. keep it up..xo from Germany, Hatunhttp://peribacasi.blogspot.com/
hello Fleurette,I'm a newcomer to your blog and have been leafing through many of your posts. I did not find your tone narcissistic or off-putting in any way. On the contrary, I think you write with ease and maturity. As someone who spends most of my working day on a university campus, and I can tell you that you are far less vapid and self-centered than the average girl your age. Keep doing what you are doing; you do it well. bonne chance!